Wife version 2.0

After all the fallout from the Christmas fun had died down my wife continued to spend money like congress does.
We had yet another show down over her fiscal irresponsibility, and she now says she understands that she can't keep spending the way she was. She has said this sort of thing before, but assures me this time is different. That now she is wife version 2.0; new and improved.
 All I know is the old status quo has to go, hopefully this is a real permanent change and not yet another ruse to keep me off her back-we shall see.
On the road less traveled sometimes the construction workers create more problems than they solve.

Christmas with my wife

So after busting my behind to make sure that not only do I get loads that will actually get me home for the holiday, but also driving hard to make sure I get there in time; I finally get home ( Mira Loma, Ca. terminal at least) at about 6pm Christmas eve. My wife seems underwhelmed to see me and is really in a strange mood. The next day; Christmas proper, I have a hard time explaining to her that it's highly inappropriate to leave her family who has worked hard making a very good dinner, not to mention her Hubby who worked hard getting there on time. For what you ask? What else-to go down to her Friends house and get drunk! Ain't that great!
To say that I was both hurt and insulted would be an understatement. It took all I had to patiently explain to her why this idea was incredibly wrong when every part of me want to yell and scream a few choice things at her. I chose the high ground and talked calmly to her explaining how inconsiderate this action would be. She reluctantly agreed to drop the subject for the rest of the day-which she spent brooding. Life's rough when you can't get your drunk on I guess! She also complained about Andreas' son Dorian; who is all of almost 9, playing WII games on the TV (that he got for Christmas) because she couldn't watch her shows. I told her right out she was acting like a spoiled brat and to grow up! Of course a kid wants to play with his presents, whats hard to understand about that?
The next day when I had all of $30.00 to my name I gave her $20.00 of it and took her to her friends for the post holiday beer swill festival. Of course I got attitude because it was "only" $ 20.00. That's gratitude for you!
Got paid today and took her to the store to by household supplies. Then gave her money to go to the Casino with her beer buddies-not a small amount of cash either. She was in such a hurry to get out of the car I had to call her back to get a goodbye kiss. This after her knowing I was going to the truck today to be ready to leave when needed and probably won't be home for 8-10 weeks! Boy that made me feel all warm and fuzzy let me tell you. She had been doing OK for a while after we first moved to Cali, but not so much anymore. It is getting to be the same behaviour she had in Phoenix. Unfortunately I have come to the conclusion that no matter how well i treat her, no matter how much money I give her, no matter what I do for her; it will never measure up to the joy she seems to get when she is with her beer buddies.
I love her with all my heart and it is really hard and hurtful knowing that I don't rate as high as her loser friends and getting drunk!!!
I am sad to say I am actually glad to be getting back on the truck! (how messed up is that).
I have given her certain financial ultimatums; which I am not sure she really understands the gravity of.
Sometimes I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this, pouring my love, work, effort and devotion into a relationship with a person that more often than not anymore seems incapable of returning anything even close to the same level of effort. I understand marriage is hard, that's why we are still together; but honestly, how ludicrous does it have to get before it's simply too much. I had no idea that the bright, outgoing, loving woman I married would turn into such a selfish, childish, self centered person.
I don't have a clue what do to any more most of the time, I'm burned out to some extent; burned out on the constant war of dealing with an adult who is incapable of behaving like one. The thing that makes this so hard is I honestly don't think she realizes what she is doing, it's simply this is what I want and she does it with no thought of consequences. She is currently displaying the cognitive faculties of a young child-everything revolves around her. Zero consideration for others. If I was to issue her a report card it would have a check by the box that says "Does not work and play well with others".
Another sad statement is that I used to enjoy coming home, not so much anymore. It seems like I put a lot of effort into getting home and very little appreciation for it.
I have NO IDEA where to go from here. There is no easy answer, maybe the time away will help refresh me. Maybe after 8-10 weeks of being out I will not mind being used and ignored so much. Who knows.
There is no "on the road less traveled" comment on this entry, it's just too depressing.

It's a rainy night in Richmond

So I ran a load from Chattanooga, TN. to Rochester, NY. only to be told it was - get this; 3 WEEKS EARLY!!
That was fun! Now I run this load all the way back to where it came from so they can-you guessed it; reship it again in 3 weeks time! Went from there to Hytop, AL. picked up a load that was going to NJ, but Swift had it t-called in Richmond, VA. That's where I have been since 3pm yesterday. I had to get preventative maintenance done on my truck. Finally got done today around noon local time. Let dispatch know to make me available for 2morrow @ 7am. Also reminded them that I want to get home for Xmas. 
Considering its 2584 miles from here to Mira Loma, CA where I park the truck they better get hustling!
It was cold and overcast earlier here, now it's rainy and dismal. On the good side the truck got done and I met some really cool people while I've been waiting. I wish them all the best.
That is about it for now.
The road less traveled is always interesting to say the least!

Lititz; it's not just for breakfast anymore!

I'll have your Lititz dear; I love it! Despite the funny name; no Lititz is not a breakfast food. Rather it's a small town in south central Pennsylvania and my latest destination. I dropped my trailer there earlier today after bringing it from Rockford, IL. Picked up an empty and made my way to the Frystown, PA. Pilot truck stop 30 miles away. (Time for a 34hr restart).
Oh, yes and unless I forget the fun I narrowly avoided earlier today.. here we go.
I got a preplan to pick up in a suburb of Philly, then go to New Milford, CT. At first glance all that registered was that the hours would not work so I refused and told them why. They (dispatch) promptly resent the load to me with new hours that I could run! Now I begin looking VERY closely at this load; for a load that was plastered with notes about you can't be late for pick up it seemed to suddenly have a lot of flexibility.
Experience has taught me this usually means one or two things:
A) I am the ONLY truck nearby and available close to when needed---possible, not likely.
B) It's a turkey load they can't get anyone to take for some reason. ---most likely the case.
One look at my map of the pickup point and the route needed to take to get to the destination and I had my answer; B-it's a turkey load!!! In a big way!! as is not only no, but HELL no!
This load; which ran at night (pick up at 11pm) had to go thru the heart of New York City at zero dark thirty in the morning!!!
Swift does not have the kind of money it would take to get me to run a load through NYC in the middle of the night!!!!!!  I would not do it even in the day time! NO NEW YORK EVER, PERIOD.
I have personally met 5-6 drivers that have been robbed, jacked, had their load stolen out of the trailer-while stuck in traffic! NO Thank-You !!!!
So I refused. Much to my surprise Swift did not argue about it. (maybe because under reason I put concern for personal safety).
Then while I am on the phone a little later waiting for Swift to answer so I can let them know I want to do a restart, I get another preplan. This one picks up Sunday night at 10pm, and goes to North Carolina. Good miles, crappy pickup time considering my 34 won't be complete yet when I need to be there. I let dispatch know and they "Unpreplanned" me- no argument.
So now I get to rest a while, do some laundry, etc. Whew!
That's enough for today.
Remember on the road less traveled you may encounter towns that sound like breakfast food, and breakfast foods that sound like a town. Make sure you know which one is which; driving thru your breakfast could get messy!

Kankakee and all points east

Well my Sunday prediction turned out accurate...dead, dead, dead. I did get a load though, and actually a good one, over 1,400 miles! It picks up near Salt Lake Monday morning and delivers the morning of the 4th day in Kankakee, IL ; very doable.
So being Sunday I have to dole out Sharry's weekly allowance; fun times. Still have to figure out how much I can afford, won't be that much, check for the week was very lame!
Now that I'm getting some miles that should change the $$ coming in for the better.
My daughter confirmed in a phone call that yes her and her hubby George are planning to move to the deep dark south within the next two years at the outside; although she didn't sound too enthused!
This makes matters both simple and complex for myself and Sharry.
On the simple side is the matter i addressed in my last blog "Detour Ahead". We must begin our activities needed to move back to Phoenix as soon as George is paid the money I owe on a personal loan.
As I stated previously; and for once I got total agreement from my wife, with Andrea, George and Dorian gone out of state there will be no reason whatsoever to stay in California.
So here is the complex part, the monetary and logistical planning that will need to be executed to pull this off.
To quote Spock "What is needed here is some linguistic legerdemain and a bit of intrepidity". In other words I will need to say the right things to my wife to keep this on track and also need to be intrepid in my pursuit of this goal or it will not happen.
This will avoid another Spock quote from happening "What you want is irrelevant, what is at hand is what matters."
So it's time to get this going in earnest, no lolly gagging!
Can't think of much else right now so I guess that's all.
Remember the road less travelled often has wildlife on it in unexpected places, beware of blind curves.

Warning: Detour ahead

So now it's been a couple of weeks since my last entry. Finally got home, spent 3 days - nice but not long enough! Got a different truck, same type; Volvo. Headed back out and have spent most of the time shuttling loads from Salt Lake to Denver and back. Finally get a load going to Ontario and then Rialto Ca, and I can't take it because I'm low on hours. So I have to decline it and am now doing a 34 hour restart at the scenic Salt Lake City Flying J. I will be available Sunday morning, well will see if I get anything. Sunday can be dead for freight, then again Swift surprised me and I got a load on Thanksgiving day-something I thought would never happen!
My wife Sharry finally admitted she can't handle the finances and gave me her blessings to take control. It's going to take a while but I will now be able to slowly pull us back onto solid financial ground.
The Webastco heater on the truck is not working right, meaning I have to idle more, Swift is going to love that!
Debating on when I should get it fixed. I will try to wait until I come in for home time again, hopefully about Christmas time.
George dropped a bombshell on me while he was driving me to the terminal to go out again. He announced that his plans were to only be in Perris for another year to year and a half and then move the whole family (sans my wife-of course) to Mississippi, where he is from and wants to buy land. This turn of events although only a possible at the present time puts a whole new spin on things. Priorities and time tables will need to be adjusted accordingly. I can not take the chance that this will actually occur and we are not ready for it!
It also makes the whole California vs Arizona debate a moot point. If Andrea is not in Cali, there is little to no point in living there. Neither of us really likes it all that much, too expensive, too crowded, too cold in winter.
I have been talking with my wife on this subject a lot; we are both agreed that if Andrea confirms there is even a small chance of this move out east happening we need to begin our plans for our exodus back to Phoenix. This way we have at least a year to save up for the move instead of having an "Oh NO!" moment.
At first we toyed with the idea of staying in So Cal regardless of the possible impending move. Then we got looking at several factors:
1) Cheaper medical vs. Cheaper rent.
2) Overall cost of living
3) Public transit systems
4) Climate
5) Location, age and overall health of relatives in California.

I will enumerate our conclusions:
1) Cost of rent vs. medical about equal out.
2) Overall living expenses lower in Phoenix. (IE. food, etc)
3) Public transit in Phoenix metro area is far superior to anything in the Inland Empire area.
4)  Climate in Phoenix is easier for Sharry. (I like it better too!)
5) Only really 3 relatives in area of concern without Andrea, George and Dorian  in picture. Her dad is 80 years old, no young man. In good health, but realistically for how long? Her sister Toni, and Brother Alfred are both having serious health issues that sound for all the world like cancer, although no diagnosis has been made for either one. Toni is really scary and not looking like she will be with us for a whole lot longer from what my wife says.
This basically brings me to the point of this issue; if we are staying in the area so she can be near family and her daughter and husband and grandson all move out of state, then that only leaves the three family members mentioned. With the a fore mentioned health and age issues how long will any of them be around? Two maybe 3 years, five at the outside??? I'm not wishing anyone ill! Far from it. But I need to be rational and put this is perspective. If your living somewhere to be near relatives and inside of the next few years none of them will be there, WHAT IS THE POINT IN STAYING???  Sharry would be every bit as isolated in California as she was in Arizona!
So as we currently stand it looks like we are going to start saving to move back to Phoenix as soon as I get George and Andrea payed off.
This is the ONLY logical way to do this. We have agreed she can always go and visit sick family members, and see to other family emergencies as needed.
The bottom line; we agreed, is if your going to be stuck somewhere isolated from your family it may as well be somewhere you ACTUALLY want to be as all other factors are fairly equal.
Andrea may not be aware but her mom wanted to move to Phoenix long before her and I met, Sharry has told me this more than once.
Well I think that's enough for now.
Remember, the road less travelled frequently has unexpected detours.

What is the measure of a man?

In an earlier blog I referred to my step daughters husband as decent but arrogant. This was unfair of me because as my daughter pointed out in a comment as I don't really know him. Her details of the real man she knows and loves also got me thinking...what does make the measure of a man?
Is it his financial success in life? While this can be an outward indicator of business acumen and just plain hard work; I don't feel it is an accurate indicator of a guy's MAN status. There are too many outside social and economic forces at work for wealth to be an adequate measure of a man.
Is it his accumulation of material possessions? Again, like money itself; this is a poor indicator of an individuals ability to "man up" or not. For some material things are of great import, for others not so.
Is it his marital status or if he has children? For many men this is also a really big deal, your not a "man" unless you have a wife and kids of your own. I have long felt this is an outmoded line of thought; it goes back to the old days when children; preferably lots of them, were needed to work on the family farm. Now there are many economic and social reasons for having less or no children.
So if it's not money, it's not material goods, and it's not family that defines the measure of a man, then what does?
I firmly believe it all boils down to one not so simple, simple concept - Honor.
A man too me is defined by his honor. This is my definition of honor; I am sure not all would agree but that's okay.

A man of honor does not give his word lightly, but when he does he sticks to it regardless of the cost.
A man of honor does his best to provide for himself and his family, sacrificing as needed to ensure the best results are achieved.
A man of honor does not lie, cheat or steal as these behaviors are contemptible.
A man of honor recognizes his own shortcomings and realizes that bad things happen; even when we do everything right.
A man of honor takes personal responsibility for his actions or lack thereof. This does not mean he never makes mistakes, it means he man enough to admit when he does.
A man of honor does not expect others to live by his code of conduct; as much as he wishes all people would.
A man of honor accepts others as they are. Giving the respect and trust that a person has earned by their conduct; they do not expect others to be someone they are not.

Always doing your best, even if you fall flat on your face, even if you go off the rails for a while; it is still possible for a man to regain the title of Honorable.
So this to me is the measure of a man; not his wealth or possessions, not his family or lack thereof, not his social status, or profession. It is his honor or lack thereof that defines him as a man.
Using this very definition I can't help but find my daughters husband to be an honorable man, and for that I give him the respect he is due and the time to get to know each other we need.
As I said, I was wrong when I stated that he was arrogant, my daughter was right to call me on this and I am man enough to admit it.
The road less traveled doesn't always go where we thought it would.