Where do i even start; wow. About eight months ago I quit my job fed up with the nonsense that was going on and decided to go back to doing something I had done about six years earlier-driving 18 wheelers.
Now while I'm going back to school for trucks' my wife who I love dearly, unfortunately decided this would be a good time to blow the rent on other "more important" things. This left me in a position of not being able to pay of course and with no income (you pay for school-school doesn't pay you) we needed to leave our apartment before eviction began. Now to say my wife has all the ability to hold onto money that a sieve has to hold water would be an understatement! (this is a sore spot) Luckily; my adult step daughter offered to help bail us out. I am forever grateful for the help she gave us then and continues to give us now while I work to dig us out of the financial hole we are in.
I wish with all my heart however, that she would take the time to actually sit down and talk to her mother (my wife). She is really a very good person who tries hard but unfortunately has difficulties with complex/higher level reasoning due to a combination of lack of training, mental illness issues, and possible cognitive impairment due to drug abuse for a good portion of her life both prior to us meeting and for a good while after. I am no saint'; I used crack (which my wife introduced me to) for about a year after I had a mental breakdown. I was of course self medicating, as was my wife. We were both dealing with the traumatic death of my parents at the time in a car wreck the she (my wife) was also in. This also brought up issues for my wife with another trauma she suffered earlier in life; the death of her young son by a drunk driver (another accident!). Neither of us did too well that year after my folks passed. We blew the insurance settlement on stupid stuff for the most part, because stoned people don't think too good! After about a year I finally got professional help and medication for my depression and anxiety. It made a world of difference and started me on the road to recovery. My wife; unfortunately, was not ready to get help and get better at that point. After me moving out on her twice, and the third time letting her know that if I went again it would be permanent - she finally got the help she needed and got off the drugs. She has been clean now for close to 3 years now and I have clean for over 7. All I can say is Thank You God!
I just wish her daughter could realize how really messed up her mom was earlier in life, and how far she has actually come from a very dark place. My wife loves her daughter, always has- its hard for her sometimes to show it, but it is there. As for my step daughter, she is a good person with some very deep hurts still inside where her relationship with her mom is concerned. This also involves the death of her big brother, the son I mentioned earlier. I would pay money to get the two together and sit them down and actually talk to each other about all this pain, hurt, misunderstanding, and hard feelings they both have bottled up. I hate seeing this situation, my wife is 57 and not in the greatest health. They need to clear the air before it's not possible-time goes by too quickly, and if it;s not done the opportunity will be gone forever. I was fortunate enough to do this with my own mother (whom i haven't always gotten along with that great) before her death. i still wish I would have done it sooner instead of holding on to the past hurts like some precious stone. All these issues we think we have with our parents are in the end, trivial nonsense that just does not matter when compared with the importance of at least trying to have a good relationship with those that brought you into the world.
I think that's quite enough for my first entry. I will continue the story on the next.
Until then remember- the road less travelled always has the most interesting scenery
Great post, but as an outsider looking into the relationship I have with my mother (your wife) I guess there should be some clarity interjected into a cloudy situation. My mother and I (from my perspective) have a pretty decent relationship. While my mother went through her drug use, which was a pretty crazy ride, I don't have any horror stories of how she was a terrible parent. It was what was normal to me. Having majored in human development and having a good understanding of how the human brain works, I understand her disability down to the actual science of it. I also understand that a lot of the pitiful stories she tells to make herself seem like a victim are a bit skewed. Certainly there were some tragedies that occurred in her life, but there were also self inflicted struggles as well. It's one thing to have never been taught some things, but it goes beyond ignorance to refuse to learn that which you haven't been taught. I have watched my mother evolve from a caring person who didn't know how to tell others no, to the person she is now who wouldn't share with someone if they were the last person on earth. I'm not bitter, I understand her mental disabilities have completely altered the mother that raised me. So while we no longer have the relationship we once had, she is no longer the person with whom that relationship was established. That's not terrible, it's just the reality of things. She is still my mother, and I will honor her all the days of her life, no matter how many times I have to rescue her from the side of the road of life.
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